No, it’s not another Carrie Bradshaw bashing episode. As much as I’ve declared in the past that I can’t warm to this character, I still find her — mainly her dress sense — very intriguing. Just that during my recent escapade to the Reef, these thoughts came to mind while I was out there, rocking away on the overnight ship. Call it “A Vain Girl’s Guide to Scuba Dive”, if you will. Here goes:
~ “Scuba gear” and “sexy” can’t be said in the same sentence, without “not” in between. (See visual aid.) Under a wetsuit, no one’s gonna see your best bikini, or that trendy cut-out one-piece * — with the slimming cut & flattering pattern & hand-sewn sequins. So just whack anything on, as long as you’re covered (in all the right places, ahem.)
~ Those fins are no Manolos. Although they’re just as difficult to walk in. And can sometimes cost just as much.
~ Everyone’s bum looks big in a wetsuit. No debate there. Even if you have a tiny one. And even though most wetsuits are black and black is supposed to be slimming.
~ Everyone is flat-chested in a wetsuit. Or should I say, chest-flattened by a wetsuit. So no need to care about your er… cuppage.
~ Your hair will be a dried-out twig-like mess after just one dip in the ocean. But forget trying to shampoo-condition-blowdry after each dive because by the time you’re done with the whole routine, here we are at the next reef and off you jump, in the water again.
~ The only skincare you’ll need is a/ sunscreen, b/ sunscreen, and c/ more sunscreen. Melanoma is NOT sexy, girls.
~ Make-up, jewellery, accessories, and whatever other fiddly twiddly stuff girls like to encumber themselves with, are all pretty much useless.
But the good news is, on a dive trip no one cares about how you look! And you won’t, either. You’re at The Reef, hello?!
So in short, leave vanity at home. Actually no, don’t, just leave it back at the hotel onshore. Because the dive centre is having a party tomorrow night at the pub, baby. And all the HOT divers are gonna be there! Time to undo that image of your (almost) throwing up over the side of the boat before collapsing on the diving deck. Now, try jostling your memory and remember who that caring guy was, who put a blanket on your shoulders and rushed to get you a cup of hot tea. Hang on a sec, or was it TWO separate guys? Even better. Always good to have some back-up. Haha… 🙂
* Yes, haven’t you noticed? It’s The Next Hot Thing, darlinks! Time to “re-sculpture” that old-fashioned one-piece and let your bikinis have a bit of R&R this summer.