The Double X

I’ve been biting my tongue, lips, hair, nails, elbows*, trying not to mention this for a while now. For fear of unavoidable, irretrievable, unforgivable toe-stepping. But sometimes, just sometimes, treading my tattered kitten heels on certain toes seems to be so appealing, so selfishly satisfying, that I can barely hold it down much longer. So here you go, a sequel to last year’s, ahem, widely acclaimed “The Ex file”. (haha) (Will try & find the link to that tomorrow.) Drum rolls, please!

Ok, first, let me ask you, how would you feel if your ex goes back to their ex? That is, no, not you, silly. But the one they dated before you, the XX, the Double X. The plot goes like this: they went out with that person, the two of them broke up, they dated you, you two broke up, then they made a magnificent beeline and headed right back to that previous person. Head spinning at an uncontrollable rate already? Obviously you won’t make it through astronaut training, I’m sorry to say.

Now, just to complicate things a bit further, let me ask you another one. How about not one, but TWO, of your ex’s did that Exact. Same. Horrid. Thing? And when it’s not two out of some ridiculous number, like ten, but out of THREE. Still with me? That’s more than a half. Two thirds. Sixty-six point sixty-six percent. The imposing majority! GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!

What would you do? No, in all honesty, there’s nothing you can, nor should, do. But how would that make you feel? Seriously. Even when it was you who initiated the split-up, it still doesn’t get any less awkward or uneasy. And no matter how much you try to tell yourself that you’re fine with it, you’re sooo toootally fiiine with it. The truth remains puzzling, nagging, uncomfortable.

Can you manage to put it down to “coincidence”? Or do you find it hard to refrain from standing in front of the mirror and “looking kind of dumb, with your finger and your thumb in the shape of an “L” on your forehead“? Can you help but question what’s wrong with you? Or wonder whether dating you were so awful that even the person whom they had previously broken up with now seem suddenly oh so desirable? Or worse still, can you stop doubting that despite the numerous times they whinged about that person to you, maybe they never really stopped loving them?! Can you help but feel like you were just some kind of a “phase” they were going through? But if 2-4 years of intense emotions is only “a phase”, then what chance is there for “ever after”?

On a related note, I have many a time resolutely declared that “I don’t date my ex“. One of those times involved a really funny conversation with Mum, in which she was worried that “old flames die hard”, that a familiar embrace is always too alluring. I did my best to assure her that it won’t be the case, that — excuse the cliche’ — they’re my ex for a reason. But now? Now I’m just sitting here, tapping my foot, drumming my fingers, waiting for the third ex to follow the footstep of his two um… predecessors (for want of a better word), before I can call Mum up and put her at ease once and for all, that “Gosh Mum, stop worrying about the old flame thing. All mine have rushed back to their Double X’s. I’ve totally run out of options.” If that’s not neat, I don’t know what is. πŸ™‚



* Please, pleeease tell me you tried the elbow thing! I’ll dash right over and hug you, and kiss you, and name you my cutest friend EVER! πŸ™‚


4 thoughts on “The Double X

  1. How can I say “no” to an offer like that? Of course I’ve tried the elbow thing. Countless times.

    (Will someone please let me know what the elbow thing is so I can pass any tests Amy throws my way?)

  2. Pah! Mosh, you’re totally off the mark! =P You’re supposed to comment on the important issue at hand , which is the awkward dealing with ex’s and its effect on our sanity (!)
    Anyhow, silly, did you try and bite your elbow(s) after reading the first line? Because, well, the way my mind works is, hmm can’t reach the left one, maybe the right one’ll work, oh, nope, maybe i’ll just try the left one again… Heh heh.

  3. Sheesh, what if they started hating their ex-ex’s (yet again) and wanted to get back together with you?

    Hope you’d tell them where to shove their elbows. Hehe.

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