Today is a rare Sunday that Miss DIY has all to herself. After a bit of sleeping in (a BIT!), the first thing she does when she gets out of bed is to have a little DIY whinge over the massive bruises on her shins & upper arms – the results of yesterday’s 3-hour PAINtballing session. She then takes a DIY photo of a particularly nasty one, to use as an evidence to emotionally torment the person who caused it! (Here’s looking glaring at you, H.!)
Outside, spring has definitely sprung. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. The pollens are lurking everywhere, torturing everything that breathes. “Freakin’ HAY-FEVER!”, Miss DIY thought, “AAAAH CHOO!” But armed with a huge box of tissue and some magic pills in the name of Zyrtec, she is determined to not let those wicked flower dust ruin her day.
After breakfast, Miss DIY switches into Domestic Mode and does two loads of washing, vacuums all the rooms, and cleans up the whole place. Then she plants another little DIY shrub of hot mint in the back yard — looks like lots of DIY chicken salads are going to be on the menu. Still high on pollens and house dust, she starts to tackle her DIY junk yard of a garage, where she found the (still) unassembled metal shelving unit that her sister bought a long time ago. Three years, to be exact. Here is where her true DIY Mode kicks in, rather uncontrollably. She quickly grabs the spanner and screwdrivers from the DIY toolbox, then proceeds to spend TWO solid DIY hours bending over metal bars, turning screws and tightening bolts. Then unscrewing half of those bolts because they were done in a wrong DIY order! Her left shoulder still hurts from bowling two nights ago, her palms are raw and hurting, her stomach is making embarassing rumbling noises because it is now 3pm and yet no lunch. But NO MATTER, the relentless Miss DIY soldiers on.
When the DIY shelf has (finally) been completed and her food supply has been (greatly) depleted, Miss DIY starts to juice some fragrant home-grown lemons (not her home, but a friend’s) for some good old lemonade. As if her arms aren’t sore enough from all that DIY! After seven fruits she has collected, Holy Vitamin C!, almost half a litre of juice! Adds 2 tonnes of sugar and Miss DIY has herself a huge jug of the freshest DIY lemonade ever.
By now it has started to rain and her DIY plan to dash out to the beach is thus abandoned, Miss DIY decides to give herself a little DIY rest. And since Miss DIY is really a Miss and not a Mister, she doesn’t go put her feet up and watch footy on TV. Instead she gave herself a quick DIY manicure while gossiping with her sister — aka Miss DIY-2, aka m’. And if you’re assuming that merely covering your nails with a coat of polish qualifies for the grand title of “DIY Manicure”, you’re wrong. Wrongity wrongity wrong. It has to include the whole kit and caboodle — clipper, orange stick, emery board, 3-step buffer. Clip clip push push scratch scratch buff buff. And then, on goes the hottest colour of the season: CORAL. (Not forgetting a top coat.) Because nothing screams SUMMER better than coral. Nothing!
Still on a roll, she is also thinking of starting on another DIY mission of quite a different nature: to alter this little vintage number into something wearable, perhaps a little more trendy. —–>
But yummy DIY dinner cooked by her sister makes Miss DIY sleepy, and Tây Du Ký proves to be much more entertaining. So she might have to leave that until tomorrow. DIY report to follow soon.
After such a productive day, Miss DIY attempts to cook up this pathetic little DIY anecdote of (poorly disguised) self-aggrandisement on her DIY publishing platform (common name: blog). Anyone who’s bothered to read this far (have you considered a career in textbook proof-reading, seeing that you’re so good at skimming through lengthy, boring masses of words?) will be rewarded with some mouth-watering DIY choc-chip cookies. Although Miss DIY promises to stick to the actual recipe — the one that’s been tried and tested, and printed on a fancy cookbook with a gigantic close-up photo — and NOT her own weird made-up DIY concoction.
Right now, it’s no longer DIY Sunday but already the much dreaded Monday. Time for Miss DIY to hit the sack and dream of her future Prince DIY Charming. Who would no doubt help her with those silly DIY projects and take her on wonderful DIY adventures. Together they will have their home sweet DIY home, with a couple of cute little DIY babies running around, wiping their DIY snot on the pristine DIY walls. Ahh, the DIY vision.