Longing

It’s a strange, funny thing, this blogosphere. I’m sitting here reading (non Vietnamese) people’s blogs about their life and adventures in Vietnam. One link after another. Click. Back. Ctrl-Click. Subscribe.

I’m yearning to be home and yet undecisive as to when. If ever. Now? In two years? Five years? After I’m married? Now when I’m unattached?  Maybe when I have kids? Before then? Would there ever be a right time for anything? Maybe not. Maybe you just keep doing what you do, until one day you wake up and think that’s it!, and proceed to jump ship in a moment’s notice. Maybe you need a big push, something dramatic. Like a break-up. Which is kind of hard when there’s nothing to break. Up or down.

And then there’s that ever present question, one I’ve repeated so much it’s starting to bore even myself. But still it goes, round and round in endless circles, as if my head’s a tiny cage and the thought an agonised tiger, helplessly lashing out at the walls — Where is home? Why does it get so much harder, having choices? Not just A choice. But plural.

Sometimes I can’t stand this cynic in me. Hey you! Stop busting my chops, ok?

~thread~

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Longing

  1. *sympathy*

    I’d say I’ve stayed long enough in about 5-6 countries in the last 2 1/2 years to consider any of them, if not home, then settle-down-able. Vietnam is one of them. Oz, actually, is another.

    I’m confused, too. I love my country but I hate what it’s turning into and I want to go somewhere else that’s not quite so… well… shit. But I don’t know if I can face leaving what I have here (well – there. I’m in France now).

    All very confusing and annoying.

  2. yeah, it’s a constant mental struggle. Maybe it’s part of our characters. Maybe it’s due to our circumstances, past and present. Most likely a combination of both, plus many other things. Whatever the reasons, yes, it’s really confusing.

    hey, new idea, wanna swap places? i don’t mind living in the UK for a bit, shitty or not. and you can come here rubbing shoulders with the ‘roos. how’s that? 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s