Yup. That’s right, ladies and gents. Currently reporting at 2.50am Eastern Standard Time is our special insomniac correspondent in Melbourne!
So it’s two and a half hours past midnight and you’ve been sleeping for exactly that many hours. Suddenly you find yourself awake for no apparent reason other than the fact that your overtired brain is whirring, whirling, whizzing away like a little hyperactive monkey. On crack.
Outside the window it’s so bright, you first thought it was already dawn. But a peep through the blinds and another at the clock tell you it’s only a full round moon. One that is so luminous it’s unsettling to look at. But of course, it’s the 16th of the lunar month today. Back home Mum must have bought some flowers and fruits, and lit incense at the various little altars around the house. You miss her, that usual yank on your heart string. But that’s no news to anyone, is it?
Peering out again and you can clearly see the Jade Rabbit leaning to one side, holding whatever it is that it was supposed to be holding. Usually you’re not so, um, Chinese inclined, and would often see those markings as Chú Cuội and his banyan tree, but today they aren’t so obvious. For those who have never heard of the story, or can’t read Vietnamese (how cool is that? I mean, a VIETNAMESE wiki!), he’s the guy that according to our folklore, committed some really serious sins. Nope, not killing people or anything, but lying to his family and pee-ing (yes, as in doing number one!) at a big magic banyan tree, and therefore got transported all the way to the moon to sit forever under its wide canopy, to look down longing at the earth and presumably being punished by having to smell his own piss (?) Moral of the story? Forget that “one small step, one giant leap” bullcrap, if you’ve had enough of life on humble Earth, just drink a huge jug of juice and go do a wee-wee at some weird haunted tree, and woohoo!, you’ve got an uncle named Bob. Neil Armstrong and NASA should have saved a hell of a lot of dosh! (And you’d thought I’d make a great primary teacher, hadn’t you?)
Anyhow, back to second-person narrative. You had a long, tiring day yesterday and are well aware that you have to be up in a few hours for another endless day ahead. You’ve tried counting sheep, doing some yoga breathing, turning, tossing, curling, crossing. You’ve gone to the loo, drunk some warm milk with honey, and spent a good five minutes cursing at your stupid self for being, well, so unbelievably stupid. Still no sleep. Brain no foggy. Muscles no groggy. Eyes no droopy. Oh no… Eyes still no droopy! Somehow you wish you were still at Uni. Nope, not because you loved all the crazy cramming sessions before exams, never! But because you’d have a text book to lure sleep right back. Seriously, 3 lines into the first paragraph of Waste Water Treatment Plant Design (Vesilind et al), and bam! zzzZZZzzz *snore*. Sleep and textbooks, oh they’re definitely TOGETHER! It’s really not just gossips, they totally ARE.
What else can you do now? Oh, you get online and write this piece of useless crap, of course!
Happy snoozing, you lucky people who are reading this in the morning, all wide-eyed, refreshed, 8-hour-of-sleep revitalised! I know you’re laughing. I hate you. Argghh…
~dishevelled, embittered, zombie-ish Amy — at 4.01am HOLY. MOTHER. OF GOD!~