Scientific Fact for Girls: Tights and Stocking are NOT Pants!

no-pantsNo matter how much they try to brainwash you into believe the opposite!

Shocking Real Life Story: The other day something bad, very bad!, happened to m’ and me on the way home. We were in our car, stopping at a red light, happily minding our own business. On the pavement to our left was this girl sitting on a bench, who decided right at that moment to stand up and then BEND OVER to retrieve her shopping bags from the ground. All of a sudden, her bum was right at our eye level. And before we had the chance to cover our eyes, we realised that she was wearing only a pair of denim-coloured tights on her bottom half. Yes, that’s it! No pants, no skirt, no dress or anything else OVER the tights. Not even a long-ish shirt to cover her bum, and its crack! And I shit you not, the excruciatingly thin fabric stretched so much, I could see the label tag on the inside those tights. Yes, that was how horrific it was. We’re scarred for life! Wondering if we should sue her. Indecent exposure? Exhibitionism? Deliberate visual attack on the general public?

Don’t get me wrong. I love my tights. They are the seasonal equivalence of the pill, talk about the liberation of women! In the sense that we can now wear dresses and skirts all year round. But please, ladies, please wear something over your tights / stockings! Mini dress, micro skirts, short shorts, potato sacks, ANYTHING. Even in the blackest shade of black, they are still underwear, a word here which means you wear them UNDER something else. They are thin, they will stretch, they will reveal. Unless you’re a/ Lady NoPants, I mean, Gaga, b/ Madonna, or c/ a male ballet dancer bouncing* around on stage, you really have no excuse.

And no, I’m not an old hag. Well maybe little old, but not a hag!


* Sorry if that choice of word conjured up certain mental image you’d rather not have.

PS: And I just found this hilarious site on the wacky wide web:


3 thoughts on “Scientific Fact for Girls: Tights and Stocking are NOT Pants!

  1. I wonder if there is a site for short leopard skirts that makes anyone look like a cheap prostitute?.

    Was the girl in question over wieght or under weight, I have a strong visual of a over weight woman with a huge ass crack. But yeah what makes it worse is that its meant to be a denim print which, it it’s self sounds really tacky, like nasty like, I can smell your booty hole from here, kind of thing.

  2. i know! tacky animal prints are another pet peeve. YUCK! Unless you’re trying to dress up as a leopard, leave that pattern ALONE!

    i saw another tights-parading-as-pants episode yesterday. my cornea practically popped.

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