Mr. Man: Let’s go kayaking down the Murray and then camping in the bush.
Me: Right. What do we do?
Him: We’ll paddle the first day, pitch up a tent for the night. Paddle some more the next day. And they’ll pick us up from where we finish.
Me: But I’m a city girl. An ASIAN city girl at that too. I’ve been in the city all my life, from one continent to another. But always in a city. You know what that entails.
Him: But you love the outdoor. You’ll love this!
Me: The swimming I’m sure I’ll love! The paddling is also fine. Coz you’ll be doing most of it.
Him: Hah? Right.
Me: But the camping. Is that in a camping ground?
Him: Nope. Anywhere we feel like.
Me: Anywhere? Meaning the middle of nowhere?
Me (eyes widened): Meaning no toilets, no electricity, no shower?
Him (eye-brow raised): Yup.
Me (starting to squeak): Meaning snakes, insects, spiders?
Him (eyes rolling): Probably.
Me: I’m not going.
A few days later.
Him: So we’re going.
Me: So that’s a statement, not a question? Hmm… But is there any crocodiles? Anything that can bite us in the river?
Me: Anything that can bite us on land?
Me: You sure?
Him: Well, maybe a snake or a spider. But that’s very unlikely.
Me (eyes narrowed): So do we bring a snake poison kit or whatever it’s called?
Him: No need. I’ve got a knife.
Me (eyes popping out of head): What? You’re gonna chase the snake and kill it with a knife and just leave me there to get high with the poison??
Him (sighs): Nope. Slash the flesh where it’s bitten and the poison will bleed itself out. But we’re only a phone call away from the Kayak store!
Me (fainted!): I’m not going.
Some more days later.
Him: So we’re going!
Him: We can cook camp food. It’s fun.
Me: But what about a shower?
Him: In the river.
Me: Hmm… that would be nice actually. What about toilets?
Him: A hole in the ground.
Me: What? I’m not going.
Him: I’ll let you bring 2 toilet paper rolls.
Me: Alright. How about 4?
Anyway, so yes, we’re going. Don’t ask me why. Maybe coz I’M OUT OF MY MIND?? Wish me luck. And while we’re away, get out that SATC episode where Carrie went to the countryside, saw a squirrel up close and freaked out like it was a two-headed monster. Imagine that was me and have yourself a good laugh!
Happy Australia Day!